Guys. Did you know you can turn your phone off??
But all lolz aside, you don’t realise just how bloody much you pick up the darn thing until you’re in a ‘no idea where it’s gone’ situation over the weekend. For one whole day, I was phone-less – but worry free, because according to the find my iPhone map thingo it was in the house somewhere. I just had no effing idea where that somewhere actually was…
With nothing to stare at, no distractions and my hands oddly free (seriously guys, you don’t have to alternate eating your avo toast and drinking your coffee. When you have no phone you can do BOTH OF THOSE THINGS AT THE SAME TIME. What a time to be alive.), I’m not going to lie – it was a little unnerving. Faced with the prospect that someone, somewhere, might be posting a flatlay on Insta that I couldn’t heart – or that I might think of something witty (I mean, if you think of a joke, and don’t post it on Twitter – then was it ever even funny?) and not be able to share it with the world – was anxiety inducing.
WHAT IF MY DOG DID SOMETHING COOL AND I COULDN’T SNAPCHAT IT?
It was a rough 18-odd hours. #PrayForEm
But now that I’m at the other end, there’s a few little things that I noticed that indicated that maybe, just maybe, a little mandatory time away from the 6-inch, electronic tiny dictator might not be such a bad thing after all…
I got up earlier.
Don’t worry kids. I’m defo still not a morning person. By ‘early’ I don’t mean that I was in any danger of becoming one of those horrid folk who post pics of themselves meditating on the beach at sunset with a caption that hints to the run they also did beforehand, because #blessed. DON’T THESE PEOPLE KNOW THAT MOST PLACES DO ALL DAY BREAKFAST ON WEEKENDS, SO THERE IS LITERALLY NO GOOD REASON TO BE AWAKE THAT EARLY?
But without seven social channels to scroll through – twice because maybe I missed something the first time around THANK YOU VERY MUCH ALGORITHM – I was warming up the Nespresso machine a solid half an hour earlier than usual.
I didn’t buy anything.
(Well, groceries, but they totally don’t count because I didn’t even slip a rogue moisturiser or makeup product into my cart…)
With great power, comes great responsibility…to make the masses buy things. All hail the online influencer, and their powers of persuasion.
I am a digital marketers’ dream, friends. Even though they’re using the very same tactics I use every single day to make people buy the things we’re selling, I’m still powerless in the face of a monochrome fashion outfit flat lay. Jessica Alizzi, Lindy Klim and Jules Sarinana are my shopping crack.
I couldn’t count the number of times I’ve clicked straight through to whatever glorious wares they’re showcasing in an even more glorious location – not stopping until my email is pinging with the sound of my order confirmation. The very nature of social media means that we can’t help but compare what we don’t have – and how quickly we can get it delivered.
But with no square images showing me what trend I’m missing, I didn’t have any reason to buy. Which makes me realise how many of my online purchases are fuelled by ‘buying what she’s wearing = transforming my life into hers’ lust, rather than an actual, real gap in my wardrobe. (Which is literally busting at the seams, FYI)
I put on an outfit and ran out the door.
Remember when we only had to compare our lives/fashion sense/make up application once a month when the latest glossy mags came out? Now, we can literally see how every inch of our daily routine stacks up in the moment –
I’m guilty of the ‘oh maaaaannnn, she looks so much more fabulous than me’ outfit change. I mean, I’m literally in the outfit I was planning to wear for the day (that actually looks fine and I was completely happy with 36 seconds ago) and because I happened to scroll through Insta and see the latest It-Girl parading around in something ‘better’, said fine outfit has been relegated to a sad pile on my bedroom floor quicker than you can say ‘oh I have those One Teaspoon jeans, I can totally recreate that look!’. I’ve even done it with yoga outfits… (Yeah, thanks Bianca Cheah…)
But here’s the thing. With no-one to compare my actually fine outfit to, it remained, uh, actually fine. I also didn’t feel bad about the fresh flowers just sitting around all stylish-like in their jam jars on some fashion blogger’s airy window, while eyeing my decidedly brown bunch from last week, nor did I worry about lining up my fruit on my muesli bowl AND I didn’t flat lay the contents of my handbag. #win
I was productive. (ish)
If you’re anything like me, you’re guilty of the social media time waste. You know what I’m talking about. You’re cooking pasta for dinner and you’re waiting on the water to boil. Perfect time for a little Pinterest perusal, amiright?? Except the problem is that you get so engrossed in Nordic homewares that before you know it, it’s 25 minutes later and the water’s been boiling for 20 of them…
Oh – and the car! You do the car thing, right?? Sheesh, it’s actually the worst. I drive home, park, turn off the engine and do a quick check of my phone before I go inside. Totally normal right? Except a ‘quick check’ turns into a ‘comprehensive scroll through every single thing that’s been posted on every bloody social platform in the 17 minutes it’s taken me to drive home’, and before I know it, it’s 20 minutes later and I’m still in the car. Whhhhhyyyyyyy?
But here’s the thing. Without my phone, I had nothing else to do but grab the groceries and walk inside. I cooked dinner with nothing but a glass of Shiraz to tempt my attention. I stopped paying attention to that little electronic device in my down moments, and actually used them to pay attention to the world around me. Including the moment when the dog walked into the table.
Here’s the thing. While I sound like I’m about to become a changed woman, living her life off the grid, getting back to nature – the truth is, I’m still going to live vicariously through my rose gold iPhone. The enforced time out was lovely, but heck, let’s be honest here. The new season of The Bachelor is about to start and I’ve got some snarky tweets to be sent. But, it did reveal that perhaps I was just a tad addicted to the online-all-the-time-no-exceptions-because-what-if-something-happens luxury of having an iPhone permanently glued to my right hand – and maybe, just maybe it wouldn’t be a completely bad idea to leave it in my handbag every once in awhile…
Oh and for those of you hanging on the edge of your seats – I had accidentally ‘made’ my phone into the bed when I changed the sheets.