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Thirty Two.

By the time you read this, holy smokes party cats – I’ll be THIRTY TWO.

It’s a great moment to sit back and reflect.

Experience really is the very best teacher.  I mean, it took me so many ratty Sunday mornings to realise that tequila is always a bad idea – even though many people did kind of tell me.  Repeatedly.  In fact, I think there’s a song, somewhere, titled ‘Tequila Stole Em’s Sunshine’.

And while I still don’t really know how the stock market works or where that odd suburb called Truganina is (seriously, radio traffic lady?  I’m not entirely convinced there’s a place in Melbourne legitimately called that), it still amazes me how I find myself to be a completely different person each time Feb 14 ticks around each year.  It turns out, life lessons have been hitting me every single day.

And here’s some of my favourite.  (Some from the last year, some from years past.  Please try not to judge me….)

1 // Things don’t go ‘to plan’.  In fact, the universe used your so called life plan as a dinner napkin and couldn’t give two hoots where you ‘thought you’d be by now’.

2 // You’re doing fine.  Actually better than ‘fine’.  You are bloody successful.  Stop stressing because it doesn’t look exactly like it ‘should’.

3 // Get a dog.  They’ll make your house messy, chew important and valuable things, and make the world an infinitely better place.  Diesel is the best dickhead, ever.

4 // Don’t bother watching Fast and Furious 3.  We all just need to pretend that abomination never existed.  I mean, ‘sif you would even bother adding to the franchise without casting Vin Diesel.  AMIRIGHT, FOLKS??

5 // When you think you’re done, you’re done.  With jobs, with people, with places – figure out your tolerance limit and don’t let your stupid, emotional, sooky heart tell you otherwise.

6 // Travel.  As much as humanly possible.  Oh and travelling alone is super rad.  Do it.  A lot.  Revel in your own company.

7 // Read.  Every night if you can.  Get lost in places and spaces and stories and adventures.  Oh, and most definitely always read the book before you see the movie.

8 // Write.  Words are your ‘thing’.  Use them.  Sprinkle them around like glitter.

9 // Toast is a perfectly acceptable dinner option.

10 // Simplicity is a bloody glorious thing.  When it comes to outfits, and plans, and food – there’s something so luxuriously wonderful about keeping it all simple.  I think the cool kids call it ‘minimalist’.

11 // Buying the best is great.  Do it.  But also revel in the joy of that $5 top from Cotton On that everyone comments on.

12 // Wear matching underwear and always make your bed.  Because sometimes that’s the only goddam order you’re going to get in your day, so SUCK IT UP.

13 // Music doesn’t get any better than 90’s and early 00’s RnB.  And stop pretending to not like Tay Tay.  Also, yes, you’re now a Belieber.  Deal with it.

14 // Wine is also a perfectly acceptable dinner option.

15 // Your family is seventeen types of rad and don’t ever forget that you could have ended up an Avery.  Count your lucky stars and spend as much time with them as you can.  (Maybe not too much time, because you need to cut your liver a little bit of slack…)

16 // And while we’re on that – Making a Murderer is not going anywhere.  Please turn it off and go to bed at a reasonable hour.  No.  Not just ‘one more episode’.

17 // There’s no such thing as special candles/towels/crockery.  Guys, I promise you, the Queen is not coming to visit.  Light the candle on a random Tuesday night and bloody well buy yourself a new one when it’s done.

18 // You don’t wear heels anymore.  You will literally never rock the track pants and stacked heels look that you promise yourself that you will.  Stop buying them.  You’re hurting their souls keeping them locked in the back of your cupboard.

19 // There’s a reason why none of the boys over the last few years worked out.  After That Relationship, you needed a few years to stand on your own two feet and figure out who you were.  Enjoy sleeping in the middle of the bed and answering to no-one.  You absolutely don’t ‘need’ anyone.

20 // If you can answer a question with a gif, do.

21 // You think too much.  Stop.  Just go with the flow.  YOLO, remember?

22 // People who give up coffee are fools.  Don’t do that.

23 // You should have bought more of those Riedel glasses when they were on sale, dammit.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, WOMAN??

24 // No one really cares what you’re doing or how you’re feeling.  We’re all trying to just make it through the day without falling over/crying in the bathroom, so stop stressing about what other people think of you.  Truthfully, they’re probably not.

25 // Using a VSCO pre-set instead of an Instagram filter is time well spent.  No-one worth their selfie salt still uses Valencia, guys.  And don’t even get me started on that ridiculous Kelvin filter…

26 // More yoga and less sugar is your best self.

27 // Tipsy and on a plane is your ‘even better’ self.  Always leave enough time for a lounge visit before you travel.

28 // SLEEP.  You don’t get enough.  Ever.  But you should.  It’s a billion times easier to build your empire when you’ve had a solid eight hours shut eye, right Beyonce??

29 // No.  It is not safe to just ‘assume’ rom-com because the movie is starring Mila Kunis and Channing Tatum.  I’D LIKE MY TWO HOURS BACK, WACHOWSKIS.

30 // Your overuse of the word YOLO is endearing.  Don’t listen to anyone who tells you otherwise.

31 // Your ‘Frequently Used’ emoji list says more about you than you realise, kids.  Be careful who you let see that shit.  Also, remember to close down Instagram so your recent stalking search history doesn’t reveal itself in all it’s shameful glory at an inopportune moment. (oh don’t you very well even dare to pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about…)

32 // Incase you missed it the first time, you’re a bloody rockstar.  Stop worrying about ‘making it’ and enjoy what you’ve ‘made’.


Til next year, my friends – salut!



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